Category Archives: Space Quest Series

The Final Stretch

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Go south from the shuttle, after entering the door it suddenly seals shut! And walls rise up to the left and right. And the floor opens to a pool of acid! Oh noes!

Time to use that plunger!

Once a janitor, always a janitor.

See those grey things in the ceiling, those are sprinklers. Let’s activate them by lighting the toilet paper on fire in the wastebasket with the lighter. Vohaul probably uses robots since he’s a half robot himself (or cyborg if you want to get fancy).

No sound effect like I was hoping for, but the strategy worked. Pop goes the electric robots!

To the east you see the robots you fried. They look… very blue.

More east and you enter Vohaul’s sanctum. And you see the dreaded salesmen droids! Le gasp!

Walk up the stairs in hope of kicking his butt, but he acts first with his shrink ray and puts you in a glass jar.

Hmm… Didn’t we get a glass cutter earlier? Work the Bond magic to escape suffocation.

Walking along the computer console and SMUSH! Roger becomes windshield mosaic paste.

Now I gotta play from the acid part. FFFUUU.

Back to where I was, you have to climb into the vent which looks too small for you but apparently you can because you are ROGER WILCO!

In there is Vohaul’s life support. Time to pull the plug.

Climb out, Vohaul sees you and sends away the clone door-to-door salesmen. Use the keyboard to type enlarge. Roger Wilco can apparently jump like a mexican jumping bean, lol.

Normal size again, you see a bunch of screens and one of them is flashing. Look at it and you see the countdown for the clones. To stop it, you have to search Vohaul’s disgusting body for the code.

The code is scribbled on his hands. Um… why? Oh well, use the code to save the day, but wait-!

40 minutes ’til explosion! GET TO DA CHOPPA!

And I fall down and die. Oops.

Up the stairs and out to the tubes, it’d be wise to get a breather mask on the wall there, just sayin’.

After another screen you get your reason to wear the mask, the tubes break a bit.

Inside you hear an annoying alarm, another instance where loop would have helped.

Look.

You are somewhere.

Eventually you come upon Vohaul’s Marrow-Matic. It looks like the evil robot from Robocop. (“You have 5 seconds to comply”, and then BOOM!)

Here you have to be bloody fast, so I have to try again. :P

And apparently you die from the french kisser. Oops? I keep trying but I keep dying. Sigh…

By setting it to slow it becomes a bit easier, so once I get into the pod the robot ignores me. WTF.

But uh oh, your pod is running out of air. Climb into the sleep chamber to live. Let’s hope someone finds you.

It’s kinda like the end of Alien and Aliens. Roger goes to sleep in his pod, drifting in space uncertain if someone will ever find him.

But he is found. In Space Quest 3. But that’s for another time.

Total Death Count: 64
Points Count: 250 – Full Score! :D

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Scouring The Asteroid For Items

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Inside the asteroid there are surprisingly no guards.

I went left, to an elevator, which apparently doesn’t work like regular elevators (or maybe I’m just making things harder for myself).

I managed to get to level 3. With a janitor’s closet (suddenly you feel homesick) and a plunger.

Also, Vohaul, the nasty bastard, is watching you. Creepy.

On the fourth floor I find a bathroom. When I type in “pee”…

Your urge is more serious than that.

While knocking on the 3 occupied stalls I think one of them farted on me.

In the unoccupied stall I find some toilet paper. But I can’t take a shit.

Would you want your mother to hear you say that?

By the weird thing on the left I type “take dump”.

What are you, livestock? Be civilized. Try using a toilet.

Pffft… *Choked laughter*

After trying to wash my hands in the non-functional sinks, I look in the mirror.

Darn! Another pimple.

I feel with ya, Roger.

And yes, someone is farting in the stalls.

Let’s try to take another dump, on the toilet this time.

Have some decency, man! Close the door!

I close the door, and Roger can finally take a dump. Yay!

Moving on, in another room I find a glass cutter. Good for James Bonding, I suppose.

On level 5 there are prison cells. One with brown furry hands clasped around the bars. Better avoid that one.

In another cell there’s a big black alien thing, which kinda looks like the alien (or xenomorph if you want to get fancy). It caught me, and I thought I was dead.

But apparently it only gives you a grotesque french kiss and then leaves. Huh…

Go more west and you find another set of furry hands and a “push button” door. In there you find a wastebasket.

Aren’t you amazed by how much stuff an adventure game hero can carry? You’ve just got to know how to pack.

Then Link is a god when it comes to carrying lots of stuff, but personally I think he’s got a magic bag. I mean Iron Boots, an Iron Ball with a Chain, 60 Bombs, 60 Arrows, a Spinny Thing, a Magic Armor, a Zora Armor, 1000 rupees… the list goes on… What the heck…

But on to the matter on hand. Another thing on the floor is some overalls, but they suck so Roger throws them back. But wait… A lighter falls out. Yoink!

Hey! Wake up! There is no button “two”.

How am I supposed to know?

Total Death Count: 54
Points Count: 171

Whistle, Shuttle & Vohaul

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Go east and we find the base of the hovercraft platform. But curses! It is blocked by a wall of rocks. Let’s blow the whistle, to see what happens.

A labion terror beast blasts through the wall of stone! And it’s small and blue. Smaller than Roger. Lame.

To keep him occupied, and to keep him from eating you, I chuck the cubix rube at him. He’ll have his hands full for a while.

I wonder how something round and short can make a somewhat rectangular hole in the stone. Oh well…

Like in the first game, you have to pick up a small rock which you’d never think about.

Use the rock with the athletic supporter (ew) to kill the guard (at least I think so, would you survive that?).

INSERT (no, use isn’t enough) the keycard to ride the elevator up to the top of the platform.

Up there is the shuttle you apparently arrived in. But I saw something leave the platform. Spider-Droid – White Edition?

Inside the shuttle you get a nice view of Roger’s face. He looks kinda like Frankenstein’s monster.

After struggling a bit with the shuttle’s controls (you have to set the ship to vertical, then horisontal) I leave the planet of Labion.

But uh oh, Vohaul knows where I am! He takes control of your shuttle and you are forced to travel to Vohaul’s asteroid.

Total Death Count: 54
Points Count: 166

Put Gem In Mouth! :D

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Down the rope you immediately see, a big monster. It’s ugly because it has no tail. Time to swing it á la Pitfall.

The first 2 tries I just fell down. You have to type “swing”, to swing. Makes sense. The 3rd time I had too little momentum.

Enter the cave to find, darkness. *Makes spooky sound*

Use the glowing gem, duh, to light things up. The light effect looks really cool I think.

Walk for a bit, and all of a sudden you fall down a hole. Unfortunately you lose your gem *sad face*.

But you end up in a lighter area, the bottom of the fissure actually, with 2 (!) pink stalkers.

“Follow us, beanpole!” the translator says.

You meet the pink stalker chief, donning a stick. For saving one of their fellow stalkers they will help you find an exit that fits your body.

But wait, go back to the north and look again. The gem was on the ground all along. Don’t blame me, it’s a small lime green gem on green ground.

Say the word and the pink stalkers move a rock with a Roger Wilco sized hole underneath. Underneath, it’s pitch black.

Now’s the time for… PUT GEM IN MOUTH! Yay! :D

Also, there’s something down there which made Roger soil his undergarments. Shape it up Wilco!

After getting lost for a while in the maze I finally found my way out, to an underground waterfall and spring. Pretty. :3

Thankfully, swimming is much faster now than in the swamp. You soon come to an intersection. Let’s have some fun here…

Left one: Makes Roger SPLAT at the end of a waterfall. A.k.a. die.
Right one: Sends you down a whirlpool. How is this any better?

You get spit out into another pool of water from the mouth of a monster statue.

Total Death Count: 54
Points Count: 104

Log, Gem & BBQ

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I finally avoided a thug patrol! Yay! Points for me. :D

At the swamp. What is that pink stalker doing? Rubbing berries on its body? I wanna do that to!

Oh hey, it repels swamp monsters!

At one point, I find a deeper spot, with a cave, with a rock, with a glowing gem. As I type in “put gem in mouth”, the infamous quote from a great LP, I get…

It’s fine where it is.

*Snicker*

After the swamp I find a fissure in the ground. And a tree. When I try to push the tree to make a bridge…

That would advance the game in no way.

What? But climbing the dead tree oh so close to the edge of nothingness is perfectly fine!

Holy logjams, Batman! You almost ate the big one!

Nah, I can’t be mad at Roger. He’s just a janitor, probably the only janitor in the whole Space Quest universe it seems.

On the next screen I accidentally fell from the edge and died. It looked like it was accessible.

And I had to do the diving part again. On the fastest speed I accidentally suffocated poor Roger.

Oh well…

Track forward to the place I were before, with some trees. Seems kinda harmless- oh crap! A trap, the same type of trap which held the pink stalker.

You eventually pass out and have a dream. But before you get to the good stuff you wake up, like with all dreams. Sigh…

You’re in a cage, with a lock you can’t pick. Rocks surround a small area. In the middle there’s a camp fire. By the fire sits a beast. A hungry hunter.

I try to offer him buttsex for my release, but it doesn’t work. So when he’s close enough I throw a paralyzing spore right in his face behind him. He falls to the ground, and you get to swap his key.

But I’m apparently not fast enough, so he gets up and makes a Wilco shish kabob. Mmmm Roger BBQ.

Another try and I open the door with the correct commands (why do I make things so complicated for myself?).

I also nick the rope on the rock. So long sucker!

Up a screen and you see something in the distance. Looks like the hovercraft platform. AND SOMETHING SAUCER-LIKE IS HEADING TOWARDS YOU! Run Roger Wilco! Make use of those awesome useless janitor legs!

Back to the log (a distant relative to the Log from Naruto Abridged perhaps?) and climb it. Tie the rope around it and head down. Doesn’t seem very smart, but on the other hand you are Roger Wilco, space guy and (probably) the only janitor in the universe.

Total Death Count: 51
Points Count: 66

Starting Over

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To prevent repeating, here’s the other 2 posts I wrote on my progress.

Third Broom Lost & Death Count Rising.

I forgot to mention last time, but the intro theme seems a bit sleepy in comparison to the first game.

It’s -47 degrees Celsius in space. Is that considered warm by space standards? I can’t remember.

If you press H on your watch you get your horoscope. Neat.

Don’t take any wooden buckazoids!

Here’s something I forgot, the lockers in the space suit room holds a cubix rube (which makes you look more stupid than usual) and an athletic supporter. What’s that? *Looks at item* Eeeww!

And the door-to-door salesmen sell life insurance. Good to know!

The noise the hovercraft makes can’t loop. Hahahah!

I freed a pink creature thingy which was hanging from a rope. Favor for a favor later?

Holy shit! I saw the pink thing in a bush, looking at me. I don’t need another stalker. Victor is enough. Don’t forget Selma.

And now the little thing is stealing my berries! >: (

At least I only died 12 times on the root brain thingy. And once on the spores. Oops.

Total Death Count: 47
Points Count: 31